Articles
What You Missed: Headlines for the Week Ahead
When Thoughts Turn to Sex, or Not: If you believe men think about sex all day long, you’re wrong. [via NYT]
Plan to Widen Availability of Morning-After Pill Is Rejected: For the first time ever, the Health and Human Services secretary publicly overruled the Food and Drug Administration, refusing Wednesday to allow emergency contraceptives to be sold over the counter, including to young teenagers. [via NYT]
It Happened to Me: I Told My Boyfriend I Was Born a Boy: Though many guys I’ve dated do not and may never know the gender history of the girl they randomly made out with on the street, I have relayed my story to a select few. [via xoJane]
Siri and the High-Tech Gender Gap: The bad habits of the iPhone 4’s voice are a reminder: America’s tech developers are overwhelmingly male. [via In These Times]
A new study finds people can’t tell the difference between quotes from British men’s magazines and quotes from convicted rapists: According to a new study, people can’t tell the difference between quotes from British “lad mags” (men’s magazines) and quotes convicted rapists say when they’re justifying sexual violence. [via VG tumblr]
Help women’s soccer make a well-deserved comeback: If you spent even a moment cheering last summer when the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team competed in the World Cup finals against Japan, you need to know that those internationally renowned sportswomen may not get to play next year. [via Suntimes]
Thousands Sterilized, a State Weighs Restitution: Charles Holt, 62, spreads a cache of vintage government records across his trailer floor. They are the stark facts of his state-ordered sterilization. [via NYT]
3 Women’s Rights Leaders Accept Nobel Peace Prize: In a ceremony in Oslo that repeatedly invoked gender equality and the democratic strivings of the Arab Spring, the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize was presented to three female activists and political leaders on Saturday for “their nonviolent struggle for the safety of women and for women’s rights” as peacemakers. [via NYT]
For Anchorwomen, Family Is Part of the Job: When Megyn Kelly was starting out in television, a prominent TV newswoman told her, “You’re going to need to choose: you can either have a family or you can be a major anchor.” [via NYT]
The Biggest Lessons I Learned from my Wild-Mouthed Mother
Mother knows best here’s a few examples why.
On reproducing:
“Kids? KIDS?!!! What’s so great about kids? Grandkids? Believe me I’m not that type of mother.”
Said sarcastically at lunch, not to devalue the gift of life, because she says raising my siblings and I are her greatest accomplishments, but to promote living your life to the fullest before thinking of reproducing. I have to agree with that.
On your relationship with yourself:
“When you truly love yourself there is nothing, nothing anyone says that can affect you”
When you’ve accepted your flaws and your strengths and have identified them and love yourself because of it, not in spite of, then what can anyone tell you about you that you don’t already know?
On thinking for yourself:
Oh, you know “they” too?
You know that saying “they say this good” “they say eat your vegetables” “they say exercise” well my mother says
“They? Oh so you know ‘they’ too? Do “they” know you? I would appreciate a decision made by YOU. Who are “they” anyway?” Get a brain and backbone and stop subscribing to proven or unproven BS.
On letting go:
“Ask yourself two questions. What are they giving to you? What are they taking from you? After answering these two questions honestly, it is easy to let go.”
Let go. Let go. Let go. You must love and value the ones that reciprocate the same. To the others that don’t, let them go from your life.
On asserting your independence:
“Don’t question me. I don’t like when people question me, so I don’t question others.”
This might be my favorite because I am the exact same way. Do your thing.
On your lady parts:
“It will always look good to a man.”
We were discussing pregnancy and what consequently happens to a va-jay-jay’s aesthetic in the aftermath. To which my mother replied “oh please, it’ll always look good to a man.”
On forgiveness:
“It’s not a question of “if you should forgive, or can I forgive?” You must forgive. You must forgive. It’s the only way.”
This is cut and dry. To grow and live and let live, forgiveness is crucial. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to forgive. You only hurt yourself holding onto hurt and pain, especially if the ‘wrong-doer’ is gallavanting about not even worried about your grudge.
On keeping things in perspective:
“Stop taking things so personal, it’s not about you.”
Most times people’s actions are a reflection of them, not you. Other times, the situation is a critique of a mistake you made and not an assault on your character. Then again, other times, the situation may not concern you not all. Look at the bigger picture for what it really is.
On being and remaining you:
“Well you keep being you, don’t worry about them because they’re the ones that go home and cry themselves to sleep. They have to live with themselves and look themselves in the mirror everyday, you don’t.”
Said when I told her how shocked upon entering the corporate world that your co-workers or people who work in the same building as you forget their manners…everyday. Notably, looking you straight in your face after a ‘Hello’ or a ‘Good Morning’ is said and not responding at all. This helped me to stay authentically me because their problems and attitude are not mine.
On marriage:
“I need Daddy and he needs me. I’m not afraid to say it. We need each other.”
My mother and I had a conversation on raising children in a two parent household, she explained the crucial importance of a dual parent home. She said she could never understood those women who professed “I don’t need a man, I don’t need a man” because as she said, she needs my father and vice versa. She needs her husband to raise the kids THEY made and live the life they created. Not to mention the kids needed both of them. My mother strongly believes that children need to be raised by a mother and a father and the mutual acknowledgement of the importance in each of their roles is crucial in parenting.
Evie Robbie: Unwavering Passion for Travel
Evie Robbie, the creator of NomadnessTV.com has a real problem with staying put. She refuses to do it, physically and mentally. Since attending film school in Paris, she has made sure to keep her passport stamped and her aspirations sky-high. When we first spoke with Evie, she was preparing to go to Berlin to film the trailer for her travel show. Her project was funded by kickstarter and Evie has not slowed down. Check her interview and the trailer and support this Venus in her globetrotting endeavors.
The Top 10 Things You Should NOT Be Doing At 25
My friend. sent me this article about 11 things you should know at 25(ish). Reading this made me think of things that you should no longer be doing (if you ever did) by 25.
Now to all these “rules” there will of course be exceptions because all circumstances are not the same but for the majority you are the rule and not the exception.
1. Fighting!!!
This is number one because one thing I hate to see is women on the street fighting each other, usually over something petty. I believe in self-defense and realize that sometimes (but rarely) a fight may be necessary. What I often see though, is a fight over something so unimportant to life. In this day and age where everything ends up on a social network, youtube or some other website, why subject yourself to possible ridicule, embarrassment and jail time? People tend to forget about jail being a real possibility. You aren’t 16 anymore no one is going to let you out of jail because someone called you a bitch on facebook. Get it together and grow up. If you are always in a fight, then you need to do some self-reflection because if you are the common denominator in all these fights then it’s you, not them. Lastly what kind of job do you have that you can get arrested and still keep? These petty fights aren’t worth my salary.
2. Getting sloppy pissy drunk
Now I’m not a drinker but I’m not going to tell people not to drink. But if you are throwing back 4 vodka tonics, 2 shots of tequila and Moscato as a chaser within 10 minutes, then you cannot expect anything good to come out of it. Know your limits; no one wants to see you being picked up off the floor every weekend. If your purpose for drinking is to get drunk then you may have a problem. Listen to the alcohol commercials and drink responsibly.
3. Blowing Money
In this economy, there are plenty of reasons why more people are still living at home so this isn’t about living on your own. By 25, you need to start getting your finances in order. You are at an age where your credit score can really come back to hurt you. You are assumed to be at least 2-3 years out of college you aren’t a child anymore. Buying a new Gucci bag every week when you don’t have a dollar saved to your name isn’t cute, it’s irresponsible. Even if only $100 a month is all you can afford then that’s where you start. While you may not be styling on them with your closet you will be when you are stepping out of your new home and can one day retire comfortably. Yes I said retire, do not wait until you are older to think about retirement. The time is now!!
4. Relying on your parents for everything
Your parents are your parents and that relationship will never change but by 25 your parents should not still be supporting you for everything short of you having some sort of disability stopping you from taking care of yourself. At this age, parental support should be more emotional than financial. God bless the child who has his/her own.
5. Slacking
25 is a great age, you are old enough to start getting your life together but young enough to decide what that together is. If you want to go back to school, change careers or travel now is the time. For many this is the time with the least amount of responsibilities and stress so enjoy it. Life gets harder, not easier so figure out what you want to do and do it. Stop procrastinating because time isn’t on your side. Once again, you aren’t 16 anymore so indecision leads to stagnation not progression. Get your life together!!
6. Going to events at your alma mater that aren’t alumni related
Now this may make some of you mad but if you graduated from college you should no longer be attending events that aren’t directly related to being an alumni. College was a great 4 years (or more) in many people’s lives but it happened, you experienced it and now it is time to move on and let it go. There is life past college and it’s time you find it.
7. Partaking in college beef
Now I know that girl from your freshman year of college who looked at you the wrong way still bothers you but come on, it has been 7 years, is it really that serious? You don’t have to go back and make friends with them but still giving someone the side eye and talking about someone who did something to you when you are 18 is dumb. They probably don’t even remember why you don’t like them but you do.Let it go!! Life is too short to have “beef” that started when you were a teenager.
8. Documenting your entire life on facebook
Facebook will probably go down as one of the greatest “inventions” of our time. Social networking has expanded in ways that probably no one imagined. That being said, the purpose is not to document your entire life (notice I said entire). No one needs to know who you like, who you don’t like, that you had peas for dinner and that the haters can’t keep you down. Keep the information to a minimum, you never know what may come back to haunt you.
9. Haters
You are 25 you can no longer say you have haters. You probably didn’t have them before 25 and you definitely don’t have them now. Everyone has something going for them in their life. The reason the girl may not like you isn’t because she is a hater, it is because not all personalities click. They may or may not have a genuine reason for disliking you but doesn’t mean they are hating.
10. Professing your “grownness”
You are now 25 (or older) you do not need to keep reminding everyone how grown you are and that you are a grown woman. If you have to prove to someone how grown you are then you probably aren’t. A “grown” woman commands respect through her presence and actions. FYI: age doesn’t make you grown you can be 45 and still behave as a child. A grown woman takes care of herself, her home and her responsibilities.
Street Harassment Becoming a Social Norm? Oh Hell No!
By Christophe Lima
I have recently come across a number of blog sites from women and girls around the country concerning street harassment. These women expressed a desire to be cat called, a phenomena that I find particularly peculiar. These women and girls view this type of street harassment, not as a threat (which it can be), but more as a right of passage into womanhood. The internal thought is; “I am not a women unless I get cat called.” It would seem that street harassment has become so culturally and ideologically ingrained that some women look to it as an external validation of their femininity. I find this increasingly disturbing, as should you.
It is true that most women get harassed on the streets by men but these experiences should not be definitive of femininity. So, the question remains, how do we define femininity? What does it mean to be female? This is a deceptively simple question…Just ask any women who has had a mastectomy, or hysterectomy. Their question, when coming to terms with what they have to go through, is ALWAYS “does not having these physical attributes make me less of a women?” There it is, in plain English. It is normal for women to define themselves as female based on how they appear [to others] even if the answer to the above question is; NO, YOU WILL NOT BE LESS OF A WOMEN IF YOU DON”T HAVE BREASTS OR A UTERUS!
Street harassment is a violent act in that it is done with the intention (conscious or not) of instilling fear and, by extension, control. It is a form of psychological terrorism, where women are the targets most of the time. If you can oppress someone and control their fear response, then you have him or her wrapped around your little pinky finger. This being said, street harassment is injurious to the person on the receiving end because they are being victimized and having their looks, or sexuality turned against them. Really, imposing your opinion on a stranger in the street for any reason (homosexual, overweight, short, etc.) is ALSO harassment. Knowing that this type of interaction is hurtful makes it increasingly uncomfortable to know that women desire this kind of lewd attention. But, lets not mince words; people, both men and women, want attention from the person(s) who could be a future sexual partner. For most women, their responsiveness is dependent more on context and content. We expect a certain amount of attention in, say, a club. We expect a certain amount of anonymity on the street. Content, that’s the biggie. We DO NOT like to hear “Oh, man I wanna fuck you!” We would rather be valued as people and not as objects.
Research has been done within the last 10-12 years about female objectification in the media and how it has negative effects on the female psyche. What it leads to, is self-objectification, therein causing anxiety about ones appearance, and mental, sometimes physical, distress. It is this objectification that is being assigned value for the women who want to be cat called. After all, our socially based definition of ‘women’ is media derived, and overtly sexualized. Just look at any Abercrombie and Fitch or Dolce and Cabana ad. And forget about the Internet, where pornography, the pinnacle of female objectification most times, runs rampant. These media based female requirements (read: socially imposed limitations) are becoming the norm, especially for our nation’s youth. For example, more and more of our nations college level youths think that the ‘money shot’ is a normal and expectable behavior. There is nobody teaching them otherwise. As for cat calling and street harassment, which also has its roots in objectification; honestly the harasser has no interest in YOU, just your parts, this is also becoming a normal, and seemingly defining experience for some women and girls. Value of the body and nothing else is crippling our society.
So what do we do about it? It is certainly not ok for your women and girls to define themselves through potentially hazardous interactions with ignorant strangers on the street. It is also not ok for men and boys to define themselves as masculine by demeaning and ultimately dehumanizing another person. What I would like to see is a society that can forget the Victorian era polarization of the genders. Perhaps this would entail dropping the use of the words “male/female, masculine/feminine”, because these words carry so much social definition and weight. I guess I am wishing for a ‘blending’ of our understanding of the genders. It is true that people can be broken down into two distinct groups based on what biological functions they can perform, but I would like to draw the line there. I’ve seen grown men cry, and can still view them as complete human beings, and not as “lesser males”. I’ve seen women physically out perform men and never questioned whether or not they were “lesser women”. Perhaps it is these views that more people can adopt. Challenging our assumptions, so to speak. This is more difficult to put into practice on the very large social playing field, as it would require an overhaul of many deeply rooted ideas about gender. It would also require folks to question their own ideas and behaviors, which can be scary and incredibly difficult but it would be a start and a much needed change for the better.
Christophe Lima is an artist based out of Queens, NY with a specific interest in sexuality, gender politics, and how these things shape society and the self. She runs an educational blog, that caters most specifically to the sexuality and experience of being female.
The First in Her Family, Jamira Paves Her Own Way
By Jamira Burley
I was always told how pretty and smart I am but I never believed it until those people stopped saying it. Walking to my own drum and dancing to my own rhythm, even if they were both off beat is how I live my life…for me. As one of sixteen children and the first in my family to graduate high school and go to college, paving my own way is the only way I knew how. Which is why I use those experiences, as a tool to help others, either though words or actions. I am only a reflection of the people I fight for and the work that I’ve accomplished.
I am a senior at Temple University majoring in International Business, Legal Studies with a minor in Chinese. In addition to this I am a full-time Student Leadership Coordinator for the School District of Philadelphia and Summer Fellow for the National Peace Alliance. I am completely dedicated to giving youth a platform to speak their mind on issues that affect their education, community and the political process.
Growing up in a city where the death by violence rates grew with me, I founded the Overbrook High Panther Peace Core. The function of the Peace Core is to provide students with nonviolent alternatives to address conflict. To date, the Peace Core initiative has been granted 50,000 dollars to implement the program in the top ten “persistently dangerous” high schools in Philadelphia. My resolve for being involved in my community is unwavering, I have made it my mission to employ my personal experiences as a driving force to improve the lives of others. My passion for improving education, addressing youth issues and creating preventive methods for violence have led me on this journey of fighting for something bigger than herself. And, believe it or not, I am just getting started. Learn my story at JamiraBurley.com
Look out for Jamira’s forthcoming Venus Genus webisode.
“Pure Hell Broke Loose”: The Ultimate Relationship Betrayal
I moved to Philadelphia from California to attend college. In the process, the first person I met was a cute guy. Of course I was super excited!! We were immediately attracted to each other and not only did we start a relationship together we became best friends. We were together for three great years before pure hell broke loose.
For a while we had been having little problems. Arguing and bickering over stupid things and one summer night he decided to call me up and tell me that he decided we should take a break. His definition of a break was us being in a relationship without officially being in relationship. I still remained close to his sisters and family. Surprisingly, his sisters and mother wanted to spend more time with me. I figured it was because they knew about the breakup. He continued to come over often. He continued to spend the night and the sexual activity continued as well. As this behavior persisted, I often asked him when we are going to get back together. His response was “I need sometime to get myself together”.
A few weeks later I found out who he was “getting himself together” with. It happened to be a woman that worked at his mother’s job. They had become very well acquainted being as though she got them both the job at her place of work. I only found this information out after he confessed that she was 3 months pregnant and was unsure of whether she wanted to keep it or not. Here I was, faced with the person who was suppose to be my best friend, love of my life, the first person I knew in this city, telling me he got someone else pregnant.
He could have killed me! Unprotected sex outside of our relationship. It blew my mind. What hurt me the most is that not only did he get someone else pregnant but his mother introduced him and the entire family knew about the situation and helped keep this situation quiet. I did not know who to trust. The same person who helped persuade me to have an abortion was now telling me he was considering having a baby with someone else. It took me a very long time to grasp what happened. As much I felt angry with him, I felt the need to be there for him during this stressful time. My friends and family were disappointed in me that I continued to be nice. It was not until he became disrespectful that I decided to cut him off and leave him alone. He took my kindness for weakness when he started realizing that I was still being nice to him.
He started driving her car and calling my phone whenever he wanted to, and ignoring my calls whenever he needed to. Throughout this difficult period in my life there was someone there for me whenever I needed some one to talk too. My now boyfriend, Brent was actually just a friend to me the entire time this situation happened. I met him a month after I met my ex-boyfriend and we had always been good friends. He was the person I directed my questions to when I felt my ex’s behavior was suspicious and he was also the first person who told me that something was not right when we broke up. Brent and I have known each other for four years and just celebrated our year anniversary last month. Although I wish I would have never wasted any of my time with my ex, I truly feel that his behavior and that experience made me appreciate my relationship even more. After I was deeply betrayed, I feel truly blessed to have a loving, supporting relationship and appreciate that much more.
A Broke Gal’s Summer Money Guide
By Renita Burns
Ladies, summer is near, and so are rooftop happy hours, cute bathing suits, frequent trips to the nail salon, and the oh so necessary hawt summer ensembles.
But within all the maddening summer fun lay your finances, which, can take a brutal beating between the outings, upkeep, and fashions. So how do you manage to have a fancy, fly summer without empting the purse? Check out these tips:
The Fun Fund We all know about socking away the customary 10% to 12% of income of monthly income that should go into your eight-month emergency fund. But consider starting Fun Fund for those impulse buys or rare splurges. Muchachas, here’s how it works: open a checking account separate from your main account (there are plenty of no-fee checking accounts just do some digging). Allocate a percentage or dollar amount to this account monthly. This money is to be squarely used for un-budgeted expenses i.e. that spur of the moment trip to the hair salon or those Steve Madden pumps that just went on sale.
Steals and Cheap-O Deals via Twitter
Don’t just use Twitter and Facebook to update the world on mindless mumblings, strategize. Make use of Twitter “lists” and the “who to follow” features by searching for money saving Twitter accounts. Consider creating “lists” for all your summer interests. For example, if you’re into jet setting, create a “Travel” list and consider following, @JetBlueCheeps, @Hotwire_deals, @CheapOair, and @airfarewatchdog as starters. This way you can view the latest deals in real time – and with the money stashed in your Fun Fund you can book on the spot.
It’s a Family (Friends) Affair
If you’re on Facebook, consider creating a group with some of your best penny pinching or money conscious “friends.” Find out each person’s strength and allow him or her to be in charge of that area for the group. For instance, if someone is an extreme coupon-er it will be that person’s duty to post all the online and even offline coupons found. You may also be able to capitalize on “rewards” points or cards and even barter with friends for different discounts.
Like these summer money saving tips? What are your favorite ways to maximize your dollar?
Renita Burns is a fervent supporter of financial literacy and and entrepreneurship. She started out as a business reporter in college where she went on to intern for the Dow Jones Newspaper Fund and The Democrat and Chronicle in Rochester N.Y. covering local and global companies. During a stint at Black Enterprise, she honed in on her passion of educating Gen Yers about their finances and the various tools and resources available to help build wealth. She currently resides in New York.
Love, Life and Growth
By Seriah
I’ve always been the girl searching for love and my place amongst my peers. I’ve been lucky enough to have experienced so much by way of exploration at an early age in my life, that I learned the hard but safe way. I had my first real boyfriend 14 years old. From there, I’ve always been in a relationship or been dating someone. I learned a lot about what men expected from me and what I was willing to give. Now, at 24, I can now admit that not having a father or a stable male figure in my life has affected the way I’ve viewed men in my personal life.
I always had to dream about what an ideal man was. I saw men as unstable creatures. I thought they were all selfish and ignorant. Seeing men use women for whatever they wanted and then walk away, made me label men all the same. My father was not around growing up and I believe, in some ways, that was to my benefit. He is not someone I would have looked up to and I don’t look up to him now. In my opinion, he lacks maturity and a clear view of the world when it comes to taking responsibility for himself and his actions. My father went to jail before I turned two. He didn’t get out until the beginning of my sophomore year of college. When he first came home I thought that there might be hope; we might be able to develop some sort of healthy relationship. But, of course I was wrong. My father wouldn’t call me if I didn’t call him. He would do petty things, like not call me on my birthday and act like he didn’t do anything wrong when I still called him two days later on his. He’s even looked me dead in my face, heard me say hello, and said absolutely nothing. I’ve always wanted a love from a man that was genuine and that I could call my own. If I could have this, my world would be complete. Well that’s what I believed.
Fast-forward to today and I can say that I’ve found that love. I’m in a very loving and stable relationship that has helped me grow tremendously as a person. I’m in love with one of my best friends. To say that this was easy to accomplish is so far from the truth. It took a lot on both our parts to decide to make the commitment to be there for one another through thick and thin. My partner has always supported and encouraged me through it all. From graduating with a Bachelor’s degree and working a part-time minimum wage job to my current position of employment with a subsidiary of Viacomm. He’s never judged me for what I had or what I didn’t have. He’s just always been there, in my corner, being a part of my support system. For that, I am forever grateful.
The personal growth I’ve attained being with him has helped me in my personal life, aside from being with him, and in my professional life. He has taught me that patience can be your greatest ally. I’m one of those people that when I think about something I want it. I don’t want to wait or go through a maze to obtain it. I want what I want it, when I want it, and that usually means NOW. I had to be patient in large part with him and the growth of our relationship. I’m the type of person that doesn’t have a problem committing. If I want to be with you I have no problem saying that and no problem acting that way. But his view was a little different. We’ve known each other for going on eight years. We’ve been together for almost three. It wasn’t easy for him to commit or agree to titles and this was something I didn’t understand. We spent all our time together, our families knew about us, and our friends did too. We carried on as if we were in a relationship so why not just solidify it?
Now I’ve learned that, being seven years my senior, his perspective on life is completely different from mine. Being boyfriend/girlfriend meant way more than just titles and holding hands. His belief was that there are expectations and the man has to be in a position to provide for himself and his partner. I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand how if you love me, and you say it all the time and you treat me as such why not being where you want to be financially would let you limit how far our relationship could go. I felt like the love he had for me shouldn’t have allowed him to put parameters on our situation. We fought and fought about this on numerous occasions. I wanted it all and he wasn’t willing to agree to that! I didn’t think that I was asking for too much but he felt like I was forcing the issue and in turn forcing him into something he didn’t feel he was ready for. I was starting to believe that he was just like my dad. He was saying things, making me believe and feel things but then he wasn’t willing to commit. On my part at times it felt like if he couldn’t commit I had to quit him. But my heart was there. He had become a staple in my life. And saying it’s over and permanently walking away were two different things. The latter being something I was not able to do so easily. I depended on him emotionally. We talked every day about everything. We supported each other through all the craziness this world had been throwing at us. To walk away from him would have been like leaving a piece of me behind. I couldn’t do that.
Sometimes I thought “you have to be the dumbest girl in the world” and I know my friends and mother thought the same things. We all felt that it should be simple; if he loves you then why can’t he be with you the way you want him to. Some of my friends would say that I was playing myself for giving my all to someone who couldn’t be what I wanted him to be. I even got the “Girl he’s playing on your emotions because you’re younger than him. He probably thinks he has you wrapped around his finger so he doesn’t have to fully commit.” But I don’t regret, at any point, waiting for him to decide to put our relationship into terms that I was comfortable with.
As an adult I’ve come to realize that things aren’t always cookie-cut or what you believe or perceive them to be. I had to fight for my love, be vocal about my feelings, and communicate even when it drove me crazy or meant that I was going to hear some things that I didn’t want to. It would make me cringe when I heard him refer to me as his shawty or his “Liz.” Like why can’t you just say your girlfriend; I’d even settle for being called your woman. It hurt when I asked why we couldn’t just be what I wanted and I got his version of an answer that did not make sense to me. But it was ALL WORTH IT! I love him.
I’ve dealt with different types of guys throughout my life. I’ve been in physical, emotional, and mentally abusive relationships. I’ve been lost in a man’s shadow with no desire to find my own way. I’ve been ok with and settled for less than I’ve deserved. Why I stayed in any of these situations I will never know. Well I do know why. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know what real love was and I had no example of what a healthy and loving relationship was. I always thought that I wasn’t good enough and whoever I was with at the moment was the best I could do, so I had to put up with whatever they threw my way just to be with them.
I learned from each and every one of my past relationships. I’ve also learned that when a man loves you he’ll show you. Now I can say that I don’t label all men the same. There are men that can take care of their families the way they are supposed to. There really are men that handle their responsibilities, love women properly and never shy away from what they need to do. Each man lives his life differently and should not be put into a box based on what the next man has done. My relationship and my partner have taught me these things. Your man might not say the right things or call his love what you call yours. But a man that loves you will do all the things you need him to and if you deserve it, all the things you want them to. I’m so lucky to have a good man in my corner. One who lets me be just who I am, loves me as that person, and allows me to love him with my whole heart and soul. I owe him more than words could ever express but that’s one of the ways I usually try to. He’s become my muse and here is one of the many pieces he’s inspired. I’ll close by saying that love is not easy but that good love, worth everything in the world love, is worth fighting for. Not physically but pushing past all odds to maintain it.
If I wasn’t in love with you
I think I’d be your secret admirer
I mean now that I have you
I can’t help but watch you
when you’re not looking
your movements are so effortless
but command all my attention
the tone of your voice
sends me over the edge
and makes my whole body melt
into a cool puddle that
I wouldn’t mind laying in all day
I’d write you little love notes
but I wouldn’t sign them
I’d just spray my favorite perfume on them
so you’d have to wonder just who i was
I’d learn everything about you
you’re favorite foods, books, movies
and send you related gifts
just to see that glow in your eyes
I’d keep myself a secret
knowing i could never be
good enough for you
that my nerves would
probably disrupt my speech
and all the things I need to say
would get lost between my
mind, my throat, and my lips
My heart would go into arrest
and shut down causing my body
to collapse at your feet
and my soul would become a ghost
and wouldn’t let me love you
the way that I’d always wanted to
So I’d just sit back
and continue to watch you
and leave little remnants of myself
in your world
praying that the mystery of me
would stay in the back of your mind
and that you’d never fall for another
because their love on display
could never compare to the
secret love I’d shown you
Seriah is a 24 year old Brooklynite who is currently the Technical Department Coordinator for a subsidiary of Viacomm. She loves writing, cooking (and of course eating), dancing and spending time with family and friends. She is currently enjoying the life, loves, and journey that God has set before her. She plans to one day become a director of production for a positive and empowering broadcasting company. Follow her and all of her fabulous outbursts at @SpoiledBkMisses on Twitter and catch her Literary Kisses on tumblr.
Dancing Around the Subject
it was supposed to be a dance
hands on my hips while the melody spoke from our lips
moving our legs to the bass line
the drums pounding harder than our hearts
it was just supposed to be a dance
in a hot bar with cool drinks
no more committed to this moment than ice cubes to its liquor
this would all melt away at the door
or at least it was supposed to
his hands stuck to my hips like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in fourth grade
his breath massaging my neck in places daylight only sees when my hair is swept up in a bun
my sweat mixing with his desire
it was just supposed to be a dance
two minutes and forty seconds of rhythm and mystery
but the song ended
and his hands stayed plastered to parts i owned
parts i washed every morning in front of my sacred bathroom tiles
parts that my mother gave me and my father clothed
this vibe had become fear
as his request for my phone number crept into my eardrums and snaked its way into my brain
i placed my fingers over his and peeled his hands back as i turned my face into his
NO…i said with conviction
and his lips lunged at mine
there i stood, a stranger to his saliva
this was just supposed to be a dance
not a technicality or a violation of space or an invasion of privacy
just a dance
two minutes and forty seconds that was not supposed to change my life
but it did
it was just supposed to be a dance
but it turned its way into something reminiscent of a crime
and now when the beat drops in a crowded club
so does my heart
so no thank you. i don’t want to dance. ever again.
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